漠视

Suddenly I felt some kind of hopeless and helplessness and none of nothing . Not for one things . I mean everything of me , every part of me . Always wanna to do something . But weakness and afraid of everything , every time . Fake it does not matter . But fake is fake . In fact I never afraid of death . Just afraid of what about death is felt after .

What is real or say that what is reality ? Is it this world are real or when I sleep that was really back to the reality ? How do I know I am alive now ? Why not is dying ? How to distinguish that ? Why to living ? Why for living ? Maybe the death was the beginning . What if living just for dying , then why still alive ? No hope , no wish , no love , unhappy , unfortunately , angry , hate , lonely , and importantly have not heart.

Probably I hope that someday there will have a guy who can understand me , talk to me , comfort me . But same time I also hope no one can understand or talk or comfort . It is a contradiction feel .